American writer, author of several novels, including an autobiographical bestseller “eat, pray, love”, Elizabeth Gilbert reflects on the secret of human proximity and difficulties of intimate relationships.
Arthur Schopenhauer, the philosopher-Pessimist, had his own theory of human relations, which he illustrated with the story of the porcupines, he had such a metaphor.
He said that in love, and indeed in close relationships – family, marital, friendly – we all experience emotional discomfort and are like a flock of porcupines that rave along the road with a cold winter night. They begin to freeze, and in order to warm up, they need to get closer, connect to the group. They really want this warmth, strive to snuggle closer, but as soon
as they converge close enough, they hurt each other with their terrible needles. These injections are very painful.
Wanting to avoid this pain, porcupine pursues from each other to a safe distance, but then they freeze again. Then they converge again, feel injections again and move away.
And this intimate dance perfectly illustrates the essence of our human relations
We also have a need to become closer to each other, but after this there is a need to separate – in order to protect ourselves from imminent suffering, which causes too close a connection.
Schopenhauer did not see the medicine from this and did not think that this vicious circle would ever open: he considered this peculiarity of intimate relationships of congenital. But he suggested that those who learn to produce their heat will be able to be at the safest distance from other „porcupines“.
This does not imply life in isolation, this means not letting yourself pierce. Have a little personal space where you can allow yourself to be self-sufficient, generate your own warmth and realize your value, your humanity-only in this case you can remain close to someone and not be pricked. The path to this is the most important secret of happiness that I have ever found out.
